Rhode Island: Where the State Is a Pixel, the Coffee Is Milk, and "Traveling 20 Minutes" Requires a Packing List

Welcome to Rhode Island, the smallest state in the union—a tiny, 1,200-square-mile coastal patch of America that is officially named "Rhode Island and Providence Plantations" (though they wisely shortened it) despite not being an actual island and being smaller than many Texas cattle ranches.

It’s a place with a truly hilarious sense of distance. Because you can drive across the entire state in about 45 minutes, locals consider a 20-minute car ride a major interstate expedition that requires packing snacks, a full tank of gas, and a overnight bag. If a Rhode Islander has to cross a bridge to get to your house, you might as well be living on Mars; they are simply not coming.

Then there’s the food and drink culture, which operates on its own delightfully weird wavelength. The official state drink is "Coffee Milk"—a sweet syrup stirred into milk that tastes like melted ice cream—washed down with "stuffies" (quahog clams stuffed with breadcrumbs and spices) and "doughboys" (fried dough buried under powdered sugar). And if you order a clam chowder here, don't expect the creamy Boston version; Rhode Island chowder features a clear broth because locals refuse to hide the taste of their prized clams behind dairy.

Visually, the state punch way above its weight class. In Newport, you can stroll along the Cliff Walk to stare at "The Mansions"—absurdly massive Gilded Age summer cottages built by Vanderbilts and Astors who had so much money they imported whole European castles just to throw weekend parties. Meanwhile, in Providence, you can watch WaterFire, an art installation where dozens of giant bonfires float down the middle of the city's rivers while spooky music plays and thousands of people stroll the riverbanks eating gelato.

Between dodging terrible drivers on roads potholed by harsh coastal winters, exploring 400 miles of stunning Atlantic coastline, and learning that "packie" means liquor store, Rhode Island is quirky, fiercely proud, and incredibly charming. Just don't ask them to travel more than three towns over, and never insult their coffee syrup!

October, 2024